F.E.R.N. – “SHOCK DA WORLD”

Release Date: May 11, 2012 (2D theaters and IMAX)
Rating: PG-13 (for comic horror violence, sexual content, some drug use, language and smoking)
Genre: Comedy, Fantasy, Remake
Run Time: 113 min.
Director: Tim Burton
Actors: Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Eva Green, Helena Bonham Carter, Jonny Lee Miller, Bella Heathcote, Chloë Grace Moretz, Gulliver McGrath, Alice Cooper

While one can’t help rooting for—and thoroughly loving—a little eccentricity in the often cookie-cutter world of Hollywood, let’s just say it’s probably about time for the dynamic duo of Johnny Depp (The Rum Diary) and Tim Burton (Alice in Wonderland) to start seeing other people—professionally speaking, anyway.

Like the singer/songwriter who teams up with the same, tried-and-true producer on album after album, there’s a slightly stale, all-too-comfortable feeling about the eighth collaboration between Depp and Burton in Dark Shadows. Naturally, one could probably place a little of the blame on the source material, a sudsy, supernatural-themed soap opera with a cult following than ran from 1966 to 1971, but the bulk of what’s wrong with Dark Shadows is the sneaking suspicion that you’ve already been invited to this garish costume party before.

See, in Burton’s world, the story has almost always played second fiddle to the fantastical scenery, and Dark Shadows is no exception, sadly. And given that pop culture is already suffering from a severe case of vampire fatigue (brace yourselves, there’s more with Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and the final installment of the Twilight franchise waiting in the wings), there needs to be a pretty compelling reason for the audience to get invested in the tale of a formerly imprisoned vampire named Barnabas Collins (Depp) who’s now charged with protecting his very kooky family.

As you’ve probably guessed by now, the film’s driving narrative is about as threadbare as they come. In the film’s opening moments we discover (with a tired voiceover, no less) the details of the Collins’ family history. In better times, they were enjoying the spoils of a very successful fishing empire, which led them to build the movie’s central stage piece, an opulently beautiful home that’s now a full-on Norma Desmond level of creepy thanks to a rather disgruntled employee.

After being rejected by Barnabas, who’s always been infatuated with a doe-eyed gamine named Josette (Aussie newcomer Bella Heathcote, In Time), Angelique (Eva Green, The Golden Compass), who just happens to moonlight as a witch, casts a spell that not only sends poor Josette to an early grave but turns Barnabas into a vampire. But unlike the pin-up worthy Edward Cullen who’s a strict vegetarian and sparkles in the sunlight, poor Barnabas has not only sprouted a set of nasty fingernails and unsightly fangs but is now confined to a coffin for centuries, too.

In what’s a lucky break (or not, considering the fashion of the day), Barnabas is eventually resurrected, thanks to a crew of construction workers who stumble upon his grave while digging on the Collins property. Now forced to adjust to life in the 1970s, Barnabas hopes to help restore his family’s name and social status.

Naturally, the bulk of Dark Shadows’ laughs result from Barnabas’s fish-out-of-water observations about the free-love era. Baffled by everything from lava lamps to frozen waffles to Karen Carpenter, the “tiny singing creature” gracing the TV screen, Depp relies on his same deadpan, arched eyebrows charm while playing the lovable oddball.

Feeling even more phoned in than Depp’s performance, however, is the film’s lazy direction. When you’ve got great talent on board like Michelle Pfeiffer (New Year’s Eve), Helena Bonham Carter (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2) and a quick-witted newcomer like Chloë Grace Moretz (Hugo), what’s the point of getting them all dressed up only to give them no place to go?

In Dark Shadows, all the attention to detail was apparently reserved for the film’s aesthetic quality. Considering that weird is pretty much Burton’s modus operandi, however, that’s not even all that awe-inspiring anymore. So when the camera’s done panning over every detail of a room, the script quickly segues into let’s-shock-them territory, whether it’s the random bursts of violence, a thoroughly bizarre sex scene when Barnabas eventually succumbs to Angelique’s charms, a slew of blush-worthy double entendres or the darkest parts of Dark Shadows where characters dabble in the occult to downright scary effect.

From time to time, the whole we’re-just-making-it-up-as-we-go sensibility may give some movies a much-needed madcap spark, but in Dark Shadows it simply comes across as nearly two hours of unnecessary frustration, less the creation of a mad scientist than a bad idea that simply didn’t deserve the green light.

CAUTIONS:

• Drugs/Alcohol: Social drinking and cigarette smoking, plus a group of free-spirited students are shown smoking weed.
• Language/Profanity: God’s name is misused on a couple of occasions, plus a smattering of other profanity including he–, da–, bast—, and bit–.
• Sex/Nudity: Countless sexual innuendos, often involving crude references to the male anatomy. A woman is referred to as a “whore.” David informs everyone at the dinner table that Carolyn “touches herself” and makes loud noises while doing so. Angelique is often shown wearing very low-cut shirts and dresses, and in one scene, she opens her jacket so Barnabas gets a pretty good view of her breasts (no nudity, just a lot of cleavage). In a very bizarre love scene, Angelique and Barnabas have sex (no nudity, but the scene goes on and on for comedy’s sake, apparently).
• Violence: Definitely more bloody and gruesome than the Twilight franchise but not as gory as TV’s True Blood series, there’s still a pretty high body count, thanks to Barnabas’s pervasive thirst for human blood. Without giving too much of the plot away, several characters are killed in sporadic acts of off-screen violence. We also see two young women leap to their death and another character die (and thrown into the nearby muddy waters) after a blood transfusion gone wrong.
• Supernatural/Occult: References to hell, demons and Satan. The ghost of David’s departed mother warns the Collins’ house inhabitants of impending danger. Angelique is a witch with a very vengeful side, and it’s her curse that not only turns Barnabas into a vampire but ensures he’s buried alive for centuries. She also uses her “powers” to get whatever she wants, including the death of the woman who David really loves. SPOILER ALERT: As Angelique begins to realize that Barnabas is really, truly never going to love her, she ups the ante on the spells and basically destroys everything she can before literally cracking under the pressure.

By Christine Thomasos , Christian Post Reporter

Floyd Mayweather Jr. weighed in on the same-sex marriage debate recently, opposing rival fighter Manny Pacquiao‘s views on the traditional definition of marriage.

Mayweather, undefeated 35-year-old fighter who won the WBA (Super) Light Middleweight Championship belt earlier this month, stood behind President Barack Obama‘s support for gay marriage.

“I stand behind President Obama and support gay marriage,” Mayweather tweeted Wednesday. “I’m an American citizen and I believe people should live their life the way they want.”

The tweet came days after Pacquiao, 33-year-old Christian Filipino boxer and congressman, reportedly disagreed with Obama’s support of redefining marriage to include same-sex couples. In an interview with the National Conservative Examiner while training in Los Angeles, Calif., Pacquiao spoke about the need for society to put “God’s words first.”

While the 33-year-old boxer said he respected Obama, he told the Examiner that the president should read the Bible, or “manual of life,” to better society.

“God only expects man and woman to be together and to be legally married, only if they so are in love with each other,” Pacquiao said. “It should not be of the same sex so as to adulterate the altar of matrimony, like in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah of Old.”

Eric Weathers was just trying to answer a few of his coworker’s questions about the Bible. But the Chicago FedEx employee’s boss told him that discussions about religion and politics were “forbidden in the workplace.”

When the boss refused to tell Weathers why, the Christian employee asked a human resources representative for an explanation. The response: His speech was an “act detrimental to the company”—a designation given to sexual harassment, possession of illegal drugs or weapons in the workplace, theft, workplace violence and other egregious acts.

Then, in a reported act of hypocrisy, Weathers’ boss engaged in religious speech two weeks after she banned him from discussing the Bible. The supervisor first ordered him to define the term atheism and later sent him an email stating, “The man upstairs is watching…” The e-mail included a picture of a Baptist church marquee that stated, “God has seen your [business report] numbers. You’re going to hell!”

In response to the workplace persecution, the Alliance Defense Fund (ADF) filed a case against FedEx on Weathers’ behalf. Weathers won the case.

U.S. District Judge Edmond E. Chang denied FedEx’s motion for summary judgment in January after finding “enough evidence … for a reasonable jury to find that Weathers suffered the requisite significant negative alteration in the workplace” to constitute an “adverse employment action” as a result of FedEx’s failure to accommodate his religion.

“Weathers’ superiors told him that he could not discuss religion, even if asked, and he was told that he must affirmatively misrepresent his college degree,” wrote Judge Chang. Weathers holds a bachelor’s degree in Bible and youth ministry from The Master’s College, and is pursuing his Master’s of Divinity from The Master’s Seminary.

“FedEx supervisors tied Weathers’ hands (more precisely, his tongue) on a topic of great importance to him, and did not bother to respond to his request for an accommodation,” Chang wrote. “Title VII’s definitional section provides that a failure to accommodate a religious practice is indeed a form of discrimination based on religion.”

Tim Tebow is definitely down with Jesus … but he ain’t down with “MY Jesus” t-shirts — and he’s threatening legal action because he says a website is illegally using his name to sell the merchandise.

TMZ obtained the cease and desist letter Tebow’s attorneys sent to cubbytees.com last month — in which they claim “The Merchandise makes it appear as if Mr. Tebow actually endorses Cubby Tees and its products.”

Interestingly, the tee shirts in question do not use Tebow’s image or name — but instead spell out “MY Jesus” using the colors and font of his new team … the NY Jets. In fact, the website clearly states, “This fun design is not officially endorsed by New York’s backup quarterback or the Son of God, but plays off the themes of Tebow’s faith and his new team.”

Still, Tebow’s attorneys are demanding the site stop “any use of Mr. Tebow’s name and/or likeness” — and according to Cubby Tees, Tebow already successfully petitioned eBay to remove the tees.

The shirt makers tell TMZ they aren’t backing down, and actually sent a response to team Tebow … saying the design “shares nothing with Mr. Tebow except for promotion of a common Lord and Savior.” The shirts are still for sale.

“Go” the final song installment for the Training Camp Mixtape. This track features production by Boonie Mayfield and lyrics from Pat Jr. and JGivens. Go is one of those songs that makes you feel good about sharing the gospel with the next person you see. Jesus said “Go”, so go! dont hesitate, just do it! no nike. www.docjonesmusic.com twitter @docjonesmusic_ facebook @docjonesmusic

By Vincent Funaro , Christian Post Reporter

Facebook users can now walk the in the footsteps of Jesus during his time on Earth with the new online game titled “Journey of Jesus: The Calling.”

Lightside Games, the developer that launched social media game earlier this week, was also the creator of last year’s popular game that featured a biblical theme the “Journey of Moses.”

This time the company has chosen to use the New Testament as the game’s backdrop and uses Jesus Christ as the main character.

“Both games immerse the player, and you are what you eat,” said Brent Dusing, CEO of Lightside games in a press release referring to Journey of Moses. “While one game goes one direction, Journey of Jesus: The Calling players walk in the Messiah’s steps, in an authentic experience of Israel in Christ’s time.”

The game features high quality graphics, an interesting soundtrack, simple, but effective gameplay, and the latest social media features, according to the company.

To play the game, Facebook users can simply type “Journey of Jesus: The Calling” into their search bar and fulfill the simple registration steps that come up next. The game is free and while playing it, FB users will be able to choose from different paths, explore intricate and intriguing game spaces, search for items and artifacts and overcome various obstacles.

Those playing will even have to deal with the politics of that time, including those included in the religious landscape and everyday life of that society.

“Players want a game that’s more than a game, we know that well,” Dusing said. “One way we keep fun and interest high is to release new chapters-new ideas and information and challenges by the week.”

CP readers can learn more about “Journey of Jesus: The Calling” by visiting LightsideGames.com.

Donna Summer — the Queen of Disco — died this morning after a battle with cancer … TMZ has learned.

We’re told Summer was in Florida at the time of her death. She was 63 years old.

Sources close to Summer tell us … the singer was trying to keep the extent of her illness under wraps. We spoke to someone who was with Summer a couple of weeks ago … who says she didn’t seem too bad.

In fact, we’re told she was focused on trying to finish up an album she had been working on.

Summer was a 5-time Grammy winner who shot to superstardom in the ’70s with iconic hits like “Last Dance,” “Hot Stuff” and “Bad Girls.”

She continued her dominance in the ’80s with “She Works Hard for the Money” and “This Time I Know It’s for Real.”

Summer and her producer Giorgio Moroder defined the dance music era of the ’70s and influenced acts like Duran Duran and David Bowie to enter the genre.

Summer married Brooklyn Dreams singer Bruce Sudano back in 1980. They had two daughters together.

By Myles Collier , Christian Post Contributor

While training in Los Angeles for his upcoming boxing match, Manny Pacquiao, who was supposed to give an interview at a local mall, had to find an alternate location after officials from the Hollywood mall banned the boxer over comments he made about gay marriage.

Pacquiao was scheduled to participate in an interview with “Extra” host Mario Lopez at the Grove. The location is a famous mall and is where celebrities and tourists alike look for the hottest items.

According to local media reports, Pacquiao was banned from the outdoor mall because of his stance against the redefinition of marriage. His comments followed the president’s announcement of his support for same-sex marriage last week.

During the interview, Pacquiao explained that while did not have a problem with gay individuals, he could not support their lifestyle since it conflicts with the biblical beliefs of Christians and the teachings of Jesus.

Paquiao referenced several verses to further his point including Leviticus 20:13 to offer his explanation as to why he does not support same sex marriage.

“If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable,” Pacquiao told the Examiner.

While the 33-year-old boxer said he respected Obama, he told the Examiner that the president should read the bible or “manual of life” to better society.

“God only expects man and woman to be together and to be legally married, only if they so are in love with each other,” Pacquiao said. “It should not be of the same sex so as to adulterate the altar of matrimony, like in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah of Old.”

Management of the Grove issued a statement that explained their decision to publicly criticize an athlete for his Christian beliefs and ban him from the shopping mall in the future.

“Based on news reports of statements made by Mr. Pacquiao we have made it be known that he is not welcome at The Grove and will not be interviewed here now or in the future. The Grove is a gathering place for all Angelenos and not a place for intolerance,” mall officials stated.

After the dust-up over his comments, Pacquiao clarified his position insisting that he was not intolerant of gay people, only against actions that go against the Bible’s teachings.

“I only gave out my opinion that same sex marriage is against the law of God,” he told ABS-CBN.

“I’m not against gay people … I have a relative who is also gay. We can’t help it if they were born that way. What I’m critical of are actions that violate the word of God,” he explained.

MONTELL JORDAN AND FAMILY WELCOMES NEW DAUGHTER

SAMANTHA VICTORIA JORDAN

 Atlanta, GA (May 16, 2012) —– CCM Artist Montell Jordan will have to start crooning lullabies during his off time as yesterday his wife, Kristin, gave birth to their 4^th child, Samantha Victoria Jordan.  Samantha, who has already been nicknamed Lady Bug, arrived at 4:36 pm on May 15^th and weighed 6 pounds, 14.2 ounces and is 19 inches long.   Montell and Kristin are the proud parents of three other children, Christopher, 23; Sydney, 16 (who is a vocalist with Victory World Music); and Skyler, 8.

 ”It’s hard to imagine how someone so big can be wrapped around a finger so small,” says Montell.  “This little girl is a reminder of God’s hands always at work in all our lives, and another reminder for me in my role as a father trying to be like our Heavenly Father.”

Montell will take the rest of the week off from his worship leader duties at Victory World Church and as a CCM recording artist to spend more time with his family.  Later this month, Montell will serve as a panelist at the private Grammy Professional Development “Community” event that is being held by the Atlanta chapter of the organization.